Need sex. Gaining weight.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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