a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
