i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Randomize
