My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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