A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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