Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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