it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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