my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
