hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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