I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
