Can i not drive my cunt home
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
oh god was she eating orange peels again
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
