he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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