She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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