Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
