If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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