EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
