Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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