Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
