wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
