yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
