I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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