Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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