All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
