Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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