She said her name was "party"
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Randomize
