You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
