You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
