PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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