New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
