i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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