Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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