Got a toothbrush?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Help. Why am I so naked?
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