i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I could fuck to npr.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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