You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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