If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
