I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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