You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
