I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
