There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
