I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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