I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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