Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
