I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
