FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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