The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
