Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
