The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
two words...techno handjob
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
