she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
