His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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