fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
