i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
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