I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
