I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
