he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
