if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
