Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
