Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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