let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
