I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
