Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
