So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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