You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
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that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
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I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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