OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
it glows. i had to have it.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Randomize
