apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
