She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I will be naked everywhere
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
