Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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