my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
