yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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