I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
