i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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