So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You may now shotgun with the bride
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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