i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
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Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
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I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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