Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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