He asked to "fluff my boner.."
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
