hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
