the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
