Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
