My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
